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Do You Hear That?She grew inch by inch resting just below my heart. She cut a rug for the first time tap-dancing against my belly. She was ushered in this world with a scream...those tiny lungs filled my ears with sweet melodies. Years rewind through my memories. Smiling, I recall running beside her on her turquoise bike reassuring her she could stay up on her own. Hesistantly, I loosed my grip on the handlebars as I still ran holding the pink seat. My heart was pounding as a breeze whispered in my ear, "You have to let go now..you have to let go." My hand released to allow my little girl to ride against the wind. My insides brimming with pride. Years floated by to her graduation...then her own house. After I prepared Sunday dinner with the family passing around mama's southern cooking she blurted out, "Mommie, I have made the decision to move to Colorado where I will attend college." Somehow, my little girl crossed the threshold of womanhood. After dinner, the two of us retired to the front porch swing. My words fumbled about with reasons for her not to settle her sights on the other side of the country. Then a slight breeze hit my nostrils filling them with a hint of jasmine. And that same darn-blasted breeze whispered to me, "You have to let go now....you have to let go." So, she sold everything she owned and moved from the East Coast to the West. Fast forward to today, she is back on the East Coast. Months ago, she came to me in tears. She whimpered about how she was frustrated at her job. She sobbed as she laid out the story of a manager choosing favorites not ba My reply came softly, "Do you remember when you were seven years old telling me how you couldn't do the jumps for cheerleading?" She nodded. Well, I wouldn't let you give up. I told you to finish what you started...unless it just gave up on you. I helped you practice the jumps everyday afterschool and on Saturday afternoons until you got it right. I told you to go back in the cheerleading arena and knock their socks off. You became so skilled, all your fellow cheerleaders asked for your help and the coach made you cheer captain. My voice became stern as I went into the next spiel. "You need to go back to work tomorrow with your head held high. Walk with a purpose since you are not going to let this person drag you down. Show the "bigwigs" whenever they visit how you shine. Don't be afraid to don those pearly whites while you show them your swagger. Not only are you going to be the best at what you do...but you are going to be that manager's boss! Do you hear me?" She sucked in alot of wind as her chest shook, "Yes ma'am." I rubbed her hair as I continued, "I know sometimes I come across to you as being harsh. My words may bite or sting. I assure you, my noodle (nickname I sometimes called her when she was small) I have always taught you well because of the love in my heart. You will always be my little winner! God's children will never be defeated...inscribe that on your heart." Her big brown eyes rolled up to meet mine, "Mommie, I don't think you are too harsh. Do you remember when I was driving uncle's old classic car with no power steering and I tried to make a left turn on Church Street? I gave up; letting go of the wheel as we headed towards a telephone pole. I was sobbing while you grabbed the wheel from the passenger's side with all your might turning us from what I knew to be an inevitable crash. The whole time you told me to stop crying...stop it...now, you have to gain control of yourself and this car." I shook my head and smiled, "Oh sweetie, that was just the Lord taking the wheel...that's all." She shook her head, "Nope. What about when grandma fell to her knees crying after grandpa had surgery? You told her to get up...she wasn't doing grandpa any good by allowing him to see her current state. You told her to go to the bathroom and pull herself together while you stayed with grandpa. Uncle was crying, Auntie was crying, but you Mama? You are our Rock! You never cry. You are solid, never wavering. I told my best friend the other day. My mom is the foundation of our family...she is the Rock!" A few months ago, my daughter did become that manager's boss. Today, she is finishing her last week of training to climb to an even higher position. All the pushing her to stand up tall; never let life slow her down to a crawl....was due to God's whisper in my ear. Like the seed growing below my heart...everything I say is a Mother's Cadence of Love...guh, guh...a heartbeat away.
Under the EP Big TopNot everyone gets a pass. My life is not a free-for-all where everything is accepted...there is no circus here! When I talk to someone it is usually because something they have said or portrayed has captured my mind's eye. Once the conversation progresses, the scope widens. I allow the shutter to become a little wider. As conversation turns into another conversation, then acquaintances surface. There are la
There are years of experience built on la Do I not feel? Whether by turn of phrase or crude attempt to placate your reluctance to know me, you gallop off like a wounded stallion or mare. I do feel...I bleed...on these pages...my pen drips blood. Do you see? I cannot nor will I ever let everyone in! I have the prerogative to feel the way I want! Sometimes, the connection is not there. There is no spark in the wires. Often, the conversation started off as a dead cell. Ask me why I waste my time? I refuse to invest my time in just anyone. There are the few that know me. What they see is a caring, sweet woman. I am not a shell of who I use to be. I am candy coated, but not for everyone to partake and share my experience. Acquaintances are many, but the chosen are few. In the aspect of relationship, there is only one! Don't judge me by my outside...there is sweet life garishing from within a liquid prison...it spills forth on these pages into my neighbors' eyes. I care for the ones I choose to allow inside. I will not tolerate disrespect. One thing I have learned over the past few years is to love myself. By loving myself, I will not let any man say what he feels or get a pass. A real woman is to be cherished...as my man says, "God's Gift". So true. I am God's gift to this world and with this package there are care instructions printed on the outside: Do not smash, kick, prod, or smudge my image! I am as he made me; like me or walk away! One has my heart, he taught me to know love and the consequences that comes with its acceptance. It is my desire to remain with only him into eternity. If we don't have eternity, I am content knowing that I went to my grave with at least one person in this lifetime who loved me and I returned the love sevenfold. There is no Big Top! You won't find any trapeze acts here...nor will you find someone wrestling a tiger. And the only clowns I see are the ones acting like immature little people. Grow up, boys and girls! My mood: extremely bummed
1-2 of 2 Blogs Previous Posts  Do You Hear That?, posted February 1st, 2012, 2 comments Under the EP Big Top, posted January 31st, 2012, 9 commentsBlogroll Here are some friends' blogs...
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